Writing With My Stronger Hand

A blank page is often black and full of clouds. And when the veil of watery voices rolls across the moon like a dark tide, the writer in me struggles toward the light.

But the fog is thick and filmy, and there is no speaking or writing in its haze. A pale glow sinks, or settles, far beyond the margins, drowning out any light with negative self-talk, shadowy and opaque.

Telling me that I’m trapped. Not good enough. Even guilty.

At times, though, there is a pause between voices, and a light rises to the surface. I stretch out my hand toward the light. But then it’s gone, hidden beneath the smoky film of voices playing in my head.

These clouds aren’t distant or ephemeral. They do work, down here, like one-edged razor blades of carbon steel, rasping at my heart. They prompt me to move like a matchstick and strike across my own expanse of scars.

And while listening to the ceaseless scratching, I lose my head from too much trying. Until my heart is bare, dark and cold. And beating like a moonless sheet of November sky.

But this I know: Something still can move. And I will not sink.

Like the moon.

No more listening to the stringy syntax of wrong voices. They coil about the heart like wiry cords, pressing into the skin with the weight of blades.

I know His promises shine brighter. They help me to walk across this dangerous depth. Like Peter, I find them during my times of stumbling across dark seeing. I discover their truth as I meet with You, even amidst my dark and stormy page.

And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:29-31 NASB)

Peter must have despaired of a lost moon, too. Sinking in his own strength, he learned that he couldn’t stay afloat. He couldn’t walk — or write — on water. This was an impossible movement. On his own.

But I find Your light, here, standing still:

He heals the broken-hearted
And binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3 NASB)

These words steady me and keep me still. Even as I go under.

Because He binds me up, with a strong and outstretched hand.

8 thoughts on “Writing With My Stronger Hand

  1. What a wonderful way you have with words. Sometimes the darkness makes us appreciate the light even more. I’m praying God will continue to lift you out of those dark gloomy places and give you many light filled cloudless days,

  2. Hi Matthew
    “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
    God can and will
    God bless you

    • God’s Word is a strong and mighty anchor. Thank you for casting it over here in my direction.

      “God can and will” — I can’t think of more exciting words. May He bless you with the same truth, too.

  3. When all is dark and bleak to the mind, “Act as if.” Act as if you have a song in your heart and sing. Especially on days that you don’t. have. Act as if everything will work out. Because someday it will. The worrying starts lifting and God is faithful. Act as if nothing can separate you from the love of God. Because nothing can. Run to the light. Believe in the promises and the Promise. Be open to others to share your burden.The clouds will come and obscure the moons light. But they can’t stay,because the sunlight will burn right through them. The Son is always there with arms outstretched,waiting to give warmth and comfort. Then you will reflect His light again as you writing voice returns. It must return for God has given you an extraordinary talent to share. When you are parched and dry, go to the Living Water. Your writing is raw and poetical. I’ve never seen anything like it. Your deep thoughts and your ability to connect them in writing this way amazes me. You are a child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made.

    • These are such wise and encouraging words. Thank you for sharing them. “Act as if” has the feel of an accelerator pedal. It’s something I can control and put my foot upon, during those times of idleness, when I find myself stuck in faith traffic.

      “Vision over visibility” generally makes for the best driving conditions.

  4. As best as I can quote from what is written on my heart:
    I hear echoes:
    “I believe. Help my Unbelief.”
    “What I don’t want to do, that I do.”
    “How long, my Lord, how long?”
    And I hear replies:
    “Cast your cares upon Him for he careth for you.”
    “I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.”
    “Neither do I condemn thee. Go and sin no more.”
    “Come unto me ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

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